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God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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