does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
