sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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