Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
