I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
