unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
