Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
as a side note pls kill me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
