she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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