Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
