I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
