i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
