I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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