Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
