she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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