i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
