So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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