Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
