nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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