Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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