A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
