the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
