listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
