i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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