Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
