I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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