i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
