I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
