Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
