Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
