When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
