I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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