I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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