I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
