What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
