DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Found your dick twin last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
