I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
