we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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