We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
