Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
