did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's like heaven, but drunker
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
