I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
