I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
