hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
