so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
