Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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