Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have demons in me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
