I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
