My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
