I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
