I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
