He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
