i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
