my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
