I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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