I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
