I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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