that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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